A lesson in love
by Pizzapig
Summary: School au, Castiel in in love with Dean to the point of obsession, but Dean has never even spared a thought for Cas. but when Castiel decides to make Dean notice him by teaming up on a project. Things dont go as planed and Cas gets heartbroken.
1. Chapter 1

**The greatest love stories are always the most tragic; The ones that are remembered are not the ones where they live happily ever after, but where they both die tragically, always missing out on a real true love that they may or may not have had. The saddest love stories though are the worst -the stories of unrequited love, where one member of the couple will love the other way more then they could ever hope to be loved back. The best love stories are not in fact love stories at all but all encompassing tragedies. And I'm sorry to tell you this is one of those tragedies of unrequited love and obsession , and if you turn back now I wont hold it against you, because normal happy people dont want a tragedy they want a happy story where the couple lives out their days together and have 2-4 children. But if you like me, love to read sad hopeless stories, continue reading my friend, but be prepaired for the feels and emotional roller-coaster. **

Castiel sat in the same spot everyday, 6.5 meters away from Dean Winchester, not directly in front, but not directly behind either, but at a 45 degree angle. Castiel did this purposely so he could stare into the beautiful green of Dean's eyes -the gem like beauty; the deep dark depths of greens- without Dean knowing he was doing it. At this angle maybe he could not just be staring at Dean or maybe he could be staring at the girl next to him or the guy behind or the lecturer up front. So if Dean ever outed him on it he could have an excuse -that he wasn't staring at Dean, tracing the outline of his face, counting his freckles and committing every perfection and every flaw to memory, so he could pull it out at will and trace his face again- but rather gazing out at the class in general.

No Castiel knew he would never forget Dean's face, could never forget Dean's face. But the sad part was Dean would never remember his face, Dean never knew he existed, he had never even said two words to Castiel. Nor ever acknowledged his presence. For all Dean knew Castiel didn't exist at all. This was okay with Castiel because he could stare at Dean's face uninterrupted, or so he told himself. But there came the day when Castiel had had enough. That he decided he would talk to Dean, force him to acknowledge his presence.

##~##

"Castiel, When are you going to talk to him already?"

"Who?"

"You know very well who. Dean Winchester. You spend all economics staring at him and i bet he dosent even know your name."

"Stay out of it Anna."

Anna was the new student and for some reason she had decided to befriend shy Castiel the loner. She was at the moment Castiel's only friend, but Anna had a major flaw -that made it hard for her to make friends. She was reallly nosy, and like to interfere in other people's life. She called it "helping", but it irritated people to no end -and that was the main reason why she didn't keep friends for long. Anna promised her self that she would try to hold back on doing this at her new school, but seeing Castiel pining after Dean; (When Dean didn't even know Castiel even existed) was just too tragic for words, and Anna was ever the helper. So she couldnt watch this go on any longer.

"No I will not. You mope around all day, waiting all day for economics, counting the minutes. You get there early, sit in the same spot and stare at Dean the whole lesson. Then you always come out disappointed, -even though you deny it- when Dean dosen't look back at you, or even spare you a seconds thought."

"Are you always like this Anna? No wonder you don't have any friends. You are rejected by everyone and forced to hang out with me, and I only hang out with you because I have no one else. So do us both a favour and piss off. I never liked you anyway, I was only pretending for the sake of being nice."

Castiel had hit a sore spot and Anna had tears in her eyes, as Castiel walked away it made him feel a bit guilty, but not enough to turn back and appoligise.

The worst part was that Castiel knew Anna was right. He did do all those things and more. He had for two years now, pinning after Dean Winchester, ever since the very first day when he had first laid eyes on the perfection that was Dean Winchester. He had stared at Dean for so long, (the first time), that Dean had caught him out on it. Then Castiel had made a weak excuse and ran off and, no more was thought of it by Dean.

Castiel was over pining and being pathetic, so he took his chance and decided to speak to Dean for the first time.


	2. Chapter 2

##~##

Castiel sat in the same seat he had every economics lesson, not yet spoken to Dean. It's not like he hadn't had plenty of opportunities. It was just that he couldn't raise the courage. So when Mr Sanders suggested they do a partner project, Castiel saw his chance. He psyched himself up and decided to approach Dean.

##~##

"Um, Dean"

"Yes"

"I noticed you haven't got a partner yet and I was wondering if you would be mine."

Castiel mumbled, staring at his shoes, his face growing redder by the minute.

"Sorry buddy, didn't Catch that. What was it that you wanted?"

Castiel looked like a deer in the headlights, but he managed to blurt out a deal more loudly this time.

"I haven't got a partner for the economics project and you haven't. So i was wondering if you would partner up with me? It's okay if you don't want to, I understand. It's just that I noticed you struggle in this class, and I could help you get a passing mark."

Dean sized Castiel up and was deliberating whether to partner with him or go with one of his mates. He was just about to decline the offer, but he considered the last part of what Castiel said, and he realised he was failing, and if he didnt pass this assignment he was going to be booted out of university and Castiel was top of the class. So who better to get him a passing mark, (with hopefully very little effort on his part) than the nerdiest kid in the entire school.

"Sure" Dean replied.

"What?" Castiel said shocked "Can you repeat that.", Castiel was not quite believing what Dean had said and needing confirmation that he hadn't misheard.

"I said I'll go with you. But I don't have a lot of spare time. So you will help wont you? and take on the most of the workload?"

"Sure." Castiel agreed, still shocked that Dean was agreeing to partner up with him.

"Well how about we meet up at my house, after university, to start on the project.

"Okay 4 o'clock", Castiel supplied, squeeling with glee inside the whole time. Dean had noticed him and now was his partner, and he was going to Deans house after school.

##~##

Castiel couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day, counting down the minutes till 4oclock. When 4 o'clock had finally arrived, - after a few hours of deliberating on how to present him self, and after the biggest wait Castiel had ever experinced in his life so far- he was so excited he almost burst, knocking on the door tentavly, then louder a second time.

Dean opened the door and was a little bit surprised. He had honestly forgotten the weird kid was coming around. So he was on his way out to play football. Not to appear rude he threw the football next to the cupboard before putting, on a charming smile, and welcoming Castiel.

Castiel looked at Dean and he was smiling, an actual smile at him. Castiel was just about ready to melt. When Dean welcomed him, and invited him in, Castiel knew this was going to be a good afternoon.

"Is that all the study books we will need?" Dean asked, silently groaning to him self in the sheer volume of reading material Castiel was holding.

"Yes." replied Castiel "We will need to read them all. But I have allready read them all so if you need help, I can help you"

"Thanks." Dean replied perking up, it didnt seem like he was going to need to read them at all. He could just get a summarized version from Mr Nerdy next to him, "Not a big fan of reading myself, so I'm glad you got that covered..."

Dean thought about it and he realised he couldnt recall this guys name. He was just using nicknames so far as to refer to him.

"Hey whats your name?" Dean asked, never the one for coyness.

"Castiel," Castiel replied "Castiel Milton"

"Castiel." he said rolling it around on his tongue, "What a weird name. Are your parents strange in the head or something?"

The moment Dean uttered his name he was lost, Dean actually said his name. Castiel recalled how that sounded cas-ti-el. It was pure perfection, and in that moment Castiel didn't hate his name as much as he did before. He almost melted again for the second time in five minutes, and he didn't even catch the last bit of what Dean had said. Castiel shrugged it off as not important. Instead choosing to replay the way his name sounded coming from Dean's lips. Which lead to the thought of Castiel kissing Dean.

"Hey mitchtiel," Dean said snapping his fingers in front of now zoned out Castiel.

"What?" Castiel said, coming out of his day dreaming of all the naughty things he and Dean could accomplish in the next hour.

"I have a party to go to soon. So you wouldnt mind starting this at home will you? and report the process to me tomorrow?"

"Sure" replied Castiel, "But how will I tell you about it, when we dont have class tomorrow?"

"Ill give you my number. Here" Dean said grabbing a pen and a napkin writing down his cell number.

Omg, Castiel was really freaking out now, he had actually got Dean Winchester's number, and he was actually allowed to call and text whenever he wanted. This was the single greatest moment of his life.

"Well better get going then Mitchell," Dean told Castiel, "My mates will be here soon and I dont want to be seen with you. _You dont know how much that will affect my reputation_" though Dean thought the last bit he had meant every word off it, but he knew if he told Castiel this he would loose a very valuable team mate; some one who would do all the work with out a bit of complaint and actually do it well.

"Sure" Cas replied automatically, in a dream like state, being paractually shoved out the door. Though he didn't care because Dean was touching him as he was giving him light shoves out the door, and that was another moment of perfection making first contact. Castiel looked back at Dean's house as he drove off, and was smiling at the thought of seeing Dean again.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Dean was very hungover and the most annoying beeping was erupting from his phone.

"Who the hell is texting me at this hour?" Dean wondered out loud, an edge of annoyance to his musings.

Dean picked up his phone and saw it was 10 am. A perfectly reasonable hour on a normal day, but not on a day when he was partying all night, and was serverly hung over. So Dean decided to do the obvious thing, switch off his phone all together, roll over and go back to sleep

Castiel had texted Dean 15 MINUTES AGO and he still hadn't replied. He sent nothing major just "how are you, are you free? to talk over the project."

Castiel was starting to get worried and was wondering why Dean didn't text back, if maybe something had happened to him to inable him to text back "_What if he's injured and needs my help?_" Castiel wondered "_What if he's fallen and can't get up again?_"

All those horrible scenarios were running through Castiel's mind, because what other reason would there be that Dean hadn't texted him back, other then he was terribly injured. "_Right then. That settles it." _Castiel thought, grabbing his keys and heading out the door. "_I will have to go check on him._"

##~##

Dean heard a banging that was growing louder and more insistent by the moment. Dean groaned and tried to go back to sleep, but the banging would not stop, and it was hurting his head like a bitch. Dean finally got out of bed and went to the source of the banging, the door. Which he then realised that it was not in fact banging, but someone knocking rather insistantly. Dean opened the door to yell at whoever had the nerve to disturb his slumber and found it was the weird kid, Michael, with a panacked expression on his face.

Castiel was instantly relieved to find out Dean was okay. Thougj he looked like he was going to puke right there.

"Are you okay?" Castiel inquired, trying to find out why Dean didn't text back, "It was just that I texted you, and when you didn't texted back i got worried. You know I thought something terrible might had happened to you".

"Aw jeez that was you. Sorry man, I have the biggest hang over and I don't really want to talk to anyone right now. So if you wouldnt mind leaving" Dean said part way closing the door to reinforce the message.

Castiel assessed Dean's appearance and was relieved that nothing serious was wrong with Dean other then a major hangover.

"Sure, I'll let you rest then. Do you want me to bring you any thing?" Castel asked "I know the best place for chicken noodle soup."

"Nah man its cool, I just need to sleep."

"Okay then." Castiel replied, "Call me if you need anything." Castiel said the last bit into the door as Dean had closed the door mid sentance in his face, but Castiel didn't mind because he knew Dean was okay and he and Dean had just had their second conversation, bearing the promise for many more to come.

Dean was glad the weird kid was gone and was seriously considering whether the good grades was worth the hastle. All because Dean hadn't replied to one text message, Castiel had come rushing over. "_Who does that?"_ Dean thought "_It was one text message. I ignore my friends all the time and they're cool with it, they just text me again later. I don't even know this dude and he comes rushing over. It's just plain creepy if you ask me"_ .

Dean decided that he couldn't abandon the creepy dude not just yet, but if he got anymore clingy and creepy Dean was going to have to find a new partner for the project.


	4. Chapter 4

**trigger warning: for suicide**

Castiel dreamt of Dean most night's. Most of the times they were lust filled dreams, full of hot and heavy sexual desires, but not always, sometimes Castiel would just dream that Dean was just there holding him, laughing with him or having imagined conversation, Castiel wondered if Dean dreamt of him too.

##~##

"So who are you partnered with for the project" Dean's friend Jimmy asked him.

"The weird kid, Matthew"

"Who?"

"You know Matthew, the guy with the brown hair, always wears a trenchcoat kinda a loner"

"Oh you mean Castiel."

"Are you sure? I thought it was Matthew"

"No, Castiel sounds about right."

"Really? I've been calling him Matthew the whole time. How did I even get them mixed up. They don't even sound similar."

"I dont know man."

"It's really unusual you choose Castiel to partner with, over one of the gang. Do you even know the guy?"

"No not really, but he's the smartest guy in the class, and I can't fail this assignment man. I will get kicked out, and I cant do that, look into my old mans face and see that look of disappointment."

"Sure, but if you're okay with using someone like that"

##~##

"What are you doing?" Dean asked Castiel

Well since we are friends now, I thought we could sit together now, plus we are working on the project in class today, so it will be easier if I sit closer to you."

Okay, Dean agreed "But this is my side of the desk and that is yours, noticing how close Castiel was sitting to him

"Okay" Castiel said a bit disappointed that he had to move over.

##~##

"Wow that is your car" remarked Castiel noticing which way Dean was walking, because he might or might not have been looking at his ass.

"Yeah" said Dean "it is a 67 cheverolt Impala" ever the sucker to engage in talk in his pride and joy, his car.

"Well it's beautiful" said Castiel "I've always wanted to ride in one" That of course was a complete lie, Castiel didnt know a thing about cars and had never even heard of a Impaka befire today, but Dean didnt know that.

Ever the sucker to show his car off to other people who appreciated her, Dean decided to take Castiel for a spin. To show him how a real car handled herself.

"Well what are you waiting for? get in then."

Castiel almost died and went to heaven right then an actual ride in Dean Winchesters car.

##~##

Dean drove Castiel to his favourite look-out near the lake and offered him a few drinks. Castiel of course accepted and as he didnt usually drink, he got a bit drunk and a lot uninhibited then ussual. Which made Castiel decide he was just going to do it, and damn the consequences. He was going to kiss Dean. Castiel leaned over grabbed Dean by the front of the jacket and kissed him,

"I love you Dean from the first moment I saw you."

"What are you doing man?" said Dean pushing Castiel roughly to the ground "Why did you kiss me. I dont swing that way, and if I did I certianly wouldn't be for you. You think, that, What? I would love you back and we would be a big happy fucking gay couple together."

"Don't lie. I see how you look at me." claimed Castiel "You liked it" as he was now getting to his feet holding back tears.

It was then that Dean punched Castiel.

You arrogant piece of shit, you kiss me then just stand their all smugly. If you go telling anyone what happened you will be hurt a lot more badly then that.

"Dean wait." Castiel said to the retreating Impala in the distance. That was when Castiel lost it and started to cry.

##~##

Castiel had managed to hitchhike home and he arrived back to his empty house after buying a whole lot of alcohol. Castiel was very drunk and it still wasn't working, he felt like shit, like he was being dragged into a dark abyss and their was no way out. It was then Castiel made a grave mistake, he decided he couldn't deal with life anymore. He had no friends, his family had abandoned him and now the guy who thought liked him had rejected him. He decided it would be easier to stop living he could see no light at the end of the tunnel. So Castiel broke his whisky bottle, smashing it on the ground and grabbed the glass shard dragging it across his wrists.

##~##

Dorris Finnigan, The elderly next door neighbor to Castiel, had heard a crash from Castiel's normally quite appartment and decided to investigate. The old lady knocked on the door and when Castiel didn't answer Dorris proceeded to look through the window. What she saw was a distressing sight, it was Castiel but he was laying in a pool of his own blood.

"991, help!... Yes!.. An emergency... there's a man...he's Serously injured... I don't know... He just dosent have long to live, so hurry!..."

The ambulance had arrived just in time. They kicked down the door and proceeded to bring Castiel out on a stretcher.

##~##

The next day Castiel had woken up in the hospital, a bad taste in his mouth and both his wrists banadged. "What did i do?" Castiel thought despairingly.

"Thank god your awake" Castiel heard someone say.

It was Anna she was crying and sitting by her bedside.

"Im so sorry Castiel" she said "I didn't relise, I should have been there for you. Sometimes I become so wrapped up in petty arguments I forget what's really important"

"It's okay Anna I didn't do this because of our fight. It was a lot of things really, and I felt so bad inside for a long time. I just didn't want to admit it to anyone, and I guess one event too many sent me over the edge."

"Well I'm here for you now so you dont ever have too feel that way again,"

"Thanks Anna this isn't something I can get over quickly but with your help it would make it easier."

##~##

Castiel never saw Dean again after that night and was glad he didn't, he changed degrees and later became very successful with his work for gay depressed teenagers and made lots of new friends. With Anna still as his best friend, he is in a loving relationship, with a man named Eric, he still thinks of Dean from time to time, as he was the first man he had loved and the first man to break his heart but Castiel has forgiven Dean a long time ago.

**If you have any suicidal thoughts be sure to tell someone who can help, dont think you can deal with it yourself.**


End file.
